Log in

It's hard to let it go [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 Feb 2006|12:20pm]

[ mood | blank ]

Well that was a first.

I just got the "Lets Just Be Friends" line.

Two years and this is what I get


i miss my lipring [17 Feb 2005|10:55am]

this is kinda silly but i wanted to ask anyway...

i took out my lipring two days ago for a couple reasons

1. my boyfriend reallllly hates it
2. it interferes with work
3. i am slowly getting back into modeling
4. it's not as fun anymore

but i find that i can't stop thinking about it
and when i do think about it i cry for like 30 minutes at a time

i was told that it is in fact normal to feel depressed after removing a piercing...so here is where my question come in

do any of you know of any online support groups for people struggling with the removal of their piercing and depression?

i realize you may think this is incredibly silly, but i am having a sincerely difficult time with it

thanks for you help

<3 jen
3 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[15 Feb 2005|07:46pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

i gave bad advice to a girlfriend of mine. i told her she should ask her bf to his face if he loved her and cared for her. i thought that he would look at her crying face and tell her that she did in fact matter dearly to him. i was deeply saddened when she reported back to me and said that he had looked her in the eyes and said she meant shit.

2 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[10 Dec 2004|06:27pm]

in the process of discovering that he likes me, i may have royally screwed up things. He likes me alot more than i like him which really freaks me out. Also he told me that he liked me for awhile...which is also quite scary. He said that he thought that i liked someone else, i asked him "who", and he said "that guy...rob." i felt really bad cause i told him that i didn't like rob although truthfully i do a bit. it might be because i've known rob longer than i've known him...*sigh* so i really have no idea.

the sheer thought that someone likes me is scaring me to the core. i was disturbed when he told me that i have nice hair...i was disturbed when he told me that i'm pretty. altogether very strange

it was really cute when he told me that today was one of the best days in his life....god help that kid.
2 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[25 Nov 2004|11:24pm]

people lie

and bestfriends stab the hardest
2 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[14 Oct 2004|09:23pm]

okay, i don't know what to do.. my parents saw my wrists & now they know i slit..... it'll be hard to stop because it's like smoking, or drugs, or drinking.. you get addicted to it because it feels good... i don't know what to do...
2 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[12 Oct 2004|04:23pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Well where to start. I didnt quit cutting like i hoped i did. For a long time a didnt cut but then all the things that i wanted to cut myself for in the monthes that i didnt cut myself just built up and i went crazy on my wrists stomach and legs. If i was in a bathing suit i would probally look like someone took a ax to me. Last night i tried to commit suicide i took close to 115 asprin to thin out my bloode then cut my wrists real deep. But it didnt work i ended up thoughinh up all night wich really fucking sucked. I wisj that i could just get away from my fucking life. I wish that i could just stop everyone who talks about me. I fucking hate when people lable me. I am aways the suicide punk skater chick who everyone think cant hear. they have to think i cant hear the way they talk about me. I told one person at school that i cut it was the one person that i thought wouldnt judge me would be there for me. But know for me to have one person to talk to would have to be a fucking merical. This girl was just talking to me to find out why i was the way i was and then she went back and gave her friends the report on me. What ever though i really shouldnt let all this fuck hurt me so much but it does because i am human.

well my birthday is in 14 days people in my famly keep asking me arent you happy you are getting older. To be this is just going to be another year i have to live through. Well i dont have to i could easy just kepp trying and trying to kill myself till it works. Ok well i am going to go i have a lot of thinkign to do i will write back in later.

1 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

DANM IT! [03 Sep 2004|05:25pm]

[ mood | enraged ]

Fuck. I dont know whats wrong with me. I stoped cutting for the most part. By that I mean that I havent done it in a while and I think that I stoped but you never know I might start again.

I found a new way of dealing with things this one is not much better but it helps me better. For the last five months I would eat and eat to me hearts content then just go through it all back up. Now i quit eating all together. It has been two days sence I havent eaten. I know that doesnt seen like alot but i dont plan on eating for a long time if at all.

God! School sucks this year one of my best friends doesnt go there anymore, all my really good friends are going to graduate this year, and the work is way to easy for me.

What would you do if someone was hurting you?

4 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

cosmic joker [01 Sep 2004|07:45pm]


another day passes by
left in this melancholy absence
of a life without a lie
joker please
just let me be

the sun won't shine today
clouds hide the way
to see the world
without this foreshadowing gray

following bread crumbs
in the woods of solitary
to a life I wanted
to doors without keys

pulling the strings
for mediocre amusement
tearing me apart with these games
joker please
just let me be


why am I teased
why must I see
why can't I just be
broken by the sea

leave me in ignorance
make the world go away
shut the door to hope
and throw away the key


joker please
just let me be

(this explains how i feel pretty much)

BANANA [26 Feb 2005|05:39pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]


it just kinda came to me

3 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[23 Feb 2005|06:56pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Well i have a lot to say i just dont know if i can say it all.
Today i got on aim and saw that there was someone on my buddy list who i had never talk to be for. I ask who it was and it was augie *yippy*. After he told me who it was i just closed the window. And he poped up and said why are you talking to me i thougth you hated me. Now it is very true at the time i hated him or at least i thought i did. BUt i had never told him that i had hated him so it must have been cailtin. We started talking to him and relized something. I dont hate him i just have a lot of different emotions towrd him.

After talking to him for awhile i relized that i wasnt mad at him at all. I was mad at my self and i was mad at cailtin.

I was mad at myself for hurting myself over a boy. I was mad at myself for letting cailtin hurt me. And i was mad at cailtin. I am mad at cailtin becasue even though she doesnt relize it she let him come between us. As soon and a boy poped into the picture she stopped talking to me as much and omly talked to him. The times she was talking to me it was ussally about somethings that went on in there conversations.

I am sick of letting everyone cause me pain. And i am sick of causing myself pain over them. That is it i am through i jsut am going to take myself out of the the picture. People think that they are happy when i am around but they dont know the joy that they could feel from knot haveing me around.

2 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[21 Feb 2005|11:07am]

[ mood | crushed ]

This is a song that i wrote last night to a guy and a girl. They know who they are.

Beat me down
Take my wings
I cant wait to fly

Run and hind
Hes ganna get you
All he does is make you cry
He to tortures you
He tortures me

Beat me down
Tke my wings
I cant wait to fly

Is it hard for you to know you fell for it again
He tortured you/Now hes back for me
I want to fly fly away
Finally leave the bruises behind

Beat me down
Take my wings
I cant wait to fly

Beat me down
Take my wings
I cant wait to fly


I wrote that song a couple days ago its for a girl named caitlin and i boy named augie.

Cailtin use to be one of my close friends but we let a boy *augie* come between use. I quit talking to him after i relized that me and her were losing the friendship we had. I tried to confront her about it but i didnt do it in the nicest way. However i told her what i thought and how i was not talking to him in order to salvage what friendship we still had. WE ended up getting in a big fight over it and she chose him over me. We had been friends for five fucking years and she formed a friendship his this boy over the internet. I dont know how she could do that to me I guess we werent as good of friends as i thought we were. If she was willing to lose me for a boy over the internet.

I really dont know what to do should i just sit back watch her make the same mistakes agian and then wait for her to relize what shes done then accept her again. What should i do. PLease comment and give me any advice please.


dont say what you really mean [05 Aug 2004|07:03pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Yesterday really sucked. I got in a fight with a friend of mine. The hole thing was over a guy. I know that that sounds stupid but it was for a good reason. After me and my friend started talking to this boy our friendship got progresively worse.After seeing what this guys was doing to us i quit talking to him in order to save whta friendship we had left. I hoped that we could just rerbuild from were we are now. However she still talks to him. I am not importants enough to her in order to save what we could from our friendship. I told her that he was just going to get hurt by him because she ended up loseing a friend she said "if i get hurt then that is my own fault." How fucking selfish could she be to not realize that she is hurting me. She ended up getting mad at me and telling me that i am never happy for her.

I geuss i shoulnt have said what i really meant.

After all this happened i got really sad. I cut myself and drank a fifth of vodka. This just made me mad. I got mad because i resorted to cutting. But when i cut myself it really helps it helps me cope. It takes the emotional pain that i am feeling and makes it phisical pain that i can control.

This wasnt the first time that i thought about killing myself. I have been deeply depressed for the past couple of years. I hate waking up in the morning just because i know i am still alive. I want to keep attempting because i feel that it is the only way out.

If you have any advice on what i should do please say.

singed, slit of the wrist

1 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

Mod Post [04 Aug 2004|12:46pm]

let's get this community up and running again....i would like if everyone could bring two new members to join us. i think it would help.

much love, jen
2 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

join [29 Jul 2004|05:53pm]

mean girls

[09 Jul 2004|07:14pm]

[ mood | worried ]

I've come here to vent..things in my life seem to be going into the gutter one week and better the next..I dont know whats wrong with me sometimes I really dont.

I just feel like I've been having nothing but bad days..maybe it's me just making them that way..

Im starting college soon and Im scared and afraid..because I didn't have such a fabulous time in highschool and part of me is afraid it'll be the same and I'll feel out of place yet again.

Bad days suck:(

3 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

I'm not really sure what to do or how to help... [20 Jun 2004|04:55pm]

[ mood | distressed ]

Worries over a situation with my boyfriendCollapse )


Promoting [17 Jun 2004|09:57pm]

[ mood | cranky ]

Heres a nice little community for all of you to join, you'll like it, trust me.



;;stamped_ __ [15 Jun 2004|06:14pm]

Yeah so today i hung out with my friends Ashley David, and Kyle. And took pictures.Also of myself. So i thought of posting them here.
So enjoy.

bYeCollapse )
1 Leftmealone|Willyoucrywithme?

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]